#thank you sooo much for the ask!!!
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gredegi · 8 months ago
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music ask 12: a song you liked as a preteen!
I'm responding soooo early. so early (I'm so sorry bestie 😭😭)
sadly I was a bollywood music enjoyer as a preteen. yes please pray for me. anyway
good song if I don't pay too much attention to the lyrics lol
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zu-is-here · 9 days ago
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did you know that i love your interpretation of dustberry. like with all my heart. along with your various aus (especially rock band). but your version of dustberry takes the cake.
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(´;ω;`)♡
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shakingparadigm · 6 months ago
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what is the theory that ivan manipulated the event where till and mizi met the wagyein?
It's not a theory, actually! It's confirmed that Ivan orchestrated the whole event. The true reason as to why however is still unknown. The information provides more context to this scene, though:
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During the earlier times of ALNST the most rational explanation for this scene was that Till ran after a flower crown (presumably Mizi's) and Ivan followed him in out of curiosity. Now we know that Ivan was conveniently just standing there because he was waiting.
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Side note, I find it heartbreaking (and maybe a little funny, sorry) that Till most likely didn't notice Ivan in this scene. That's just like him, isn't it. Always too busy running after Mizi while Ivan trails behind, an ever-present shadow.
I'm not sure how Ivan manipulated the circumstances for both of them to end up there, but it is confirmed that everything was intentional. What strikes me most is how they describe this particular scene:
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I can't copy down what they said word-for-word (Patreon info), but they described Ivan watching "creepily" as Till and Mizi are faced with danger. We know that Ivan was familiar with the Cerberus wagyein beforehand, enough to touch its teeth and even to rest himself inside its maw. To Ivan, the wagyein is not dangerous, but to Till and Mizi, it could be. Ivan prepared the wagyein, led them there, and watched "creepily" from afar as Till fell on his knees, seemingly injured.
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The closest I can get to making sense of Ivan's "scheme" is that he wanted to see how other children would react in a dangerous situation. Ivan's always been an observer, after all, and he's learned to survive by copying the more "normal" behaviors of his peers. This situation occured when Ivan was still young and had not yet developed his more charming mask, so perhaps he staged this encounter to study a situational response, to learn and mimic the emotion of fear. And what better subjects for the experiment than two of the most expressive and reactive humans of their batch? It helps that he was already fixated on Till beforehand, too. I think Ivan became irreversibly obssessed after this incident, especially since it's framed as a turning point in Ivan's life, comparing Till to the stars.
This is just my attempt at an interpretation, though. It could very well be for another reason. He most likely chose Till and Mizi specifically for personal reasons, not just for reaction. I'm still not sure on the purpose behind the whole thing.
The team wanted to capture Ivan's "dark emotions" through the shot of his stalking, which could relate to his more sinister intentions. His gaze can be read in a few different ways, though. Curiosity, interest, fear, etc. Maybe that's why they decided to redraw the shot in ROUND 6.
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I think this better sells the feeling they were trying to convey.
#ivan u fucked up little guy.#also okay i just wanna clear this up#i know i make a lot of posts about ivans darker side and his more problematic traits#but this isn't me trying to villainize him or reduce him down to “toxic yaoi”#I HOPE YOU GUYS KNOW ALL MY TOXIC YAOI POSTS ARE LIGHTHEARTED.#i just want to clarify that ivan was always intended to be a darker and complicated character. even since his debut in round 3#the way i refer to ivan (“twisted” “creepy” “obssessive” etc) are literally the direct words used by q and v themselves to describe him#but despite that id like to emphasize that i don't see ivan as a villain or a completely bad person. hes complicated#there is no normalcy in this world they are living in. none of the characters know what being truly normal is#this isn't me condoning his actions#but it has to be acknowledged that alnst is fucked up in nature. we can't expect perfect relationships from people who are born to die#plus ivan has a lot more layers past the “dark” parts. he's constantly battling himself and his desires#especially at the end of round 6 where he performs a myriad of conflicting actions (kiss strangle peck smile)#thanks to the r6 production notes we now know that ivan was going through a rapid internal conflict#“sure and unsure at the same time”#there is sooo much to ivan. his low self-esteem. his desire and possessiveness despite knowing till will never love him#his VEHEMENT insistence that till will never love him vs his desperate persistence in trying anyway#uh i need to shut up i think#anyways sorry. just wanted to clarify my thoughts on him in case people think im. yk.#in short. hes a fucked up little freak and he fascinates me. this poor tragic child. i love him.#SORRY I GOT CARRIED AWAY#alnst#alien stage#alien stage ivan#alnst ivan#asks
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al-luviec · 1 month ago
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something simple to try to get out of art block (it didn't work)
#alek art#ninjago#zane julien#2024#i am very unhappy with this and sooo in order to feel better i am going to talk about him#system zane is very real to me. i always give him six main alters (but i do believe there is more lol)#systems cannot just pick and choose who front depending on the day i am very aware (i am a system) its more on the nose symbolism#the fifth one crossed out is the ice emperor. in canon he exists in zane's mind as an “alter ego” of sorts which is crazy to me#character has canon dissociative episodes... amnesia... and several different “personalities” / identities? sounds familiar idk#i talked a lot about this hc on my long ass zane hc post thanks for the ask btw npderzane#its not an au its just how i see him so just imagine every zane i draw as system zane. ill only specify it in the tags if its system related#that one post thats like. 'being a did system sucks which one of us poured instant coffee in the bathtub!' thats the average zane experience#he wakes up and everyones like “mannn zane you were going crazyyy on prime empire yesterday” and hes like ??? i did not play any video games#and then he looks at the calender and 6 months have passed. semi true story that happened to me#also alters having incredibly different food preferences is funny. zane doesnt eat anything ever vs boone who eats raw meat sometimes#zane having really weird characterization? and its very inconsistent / bad writing uhhh alek explanation is hes a system and nobody can mask#man its 1 pm :|#i hate this drawing so much i dont even want to look at it but it took time so ill post it#i also have another zane drawing in my drafts i should post. from like 2 months ago???
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gojoest · 7 days ago
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my sweet, sweet babyboy 💖💖💖💖💖💖
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tunastime · 9 days ago
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hiccuping tears into the shoulder + ranchers by chance?
hiccuping tears into their shoulder (1087 words) (x)
For the first time in a good, long portion of his life, Tango despises how silent the night gets. It's not without its natural noise—the balmy, sticky humidity and breeze in the grass, or the crickets, the cicadas quieting down, the sounds of animals rearranging themselves to a comfier sleeping arrangement. He should be doing the same, but he's sitting on the edge of the bed, his spine a rigid line. He can feel the blood in his body, he can feel the spaces where his muscles connect to each other, with every breath he can feel his lungs separate out the oxygen. It's at the very least startling, and at the very most, he feels like he might dissolve on the spot if touched. 
Tango knows how death feels—painless respawn and a few seasons of a life game behind him, but to feel someone else die, too. The echo of death alongside your own. He didn't like that! Not good at all. All his blood and heartbeat-y things are rushing around in his ears. He doesn't even hear Jimmy the first time he speaks up from the other side of the bed, with how his voice scrapes out.
"I didn't know they were aiming for us," Jimmy says.
"Of course not," Tango says, furrowing his eyebrows. "I know you didn't."
He's still looking at his hands, running his thumb over the lines in his palm and pushing into the tiny bones and muscle there. Jimmy flexes his hands like he can feel the pressure and bones moving around. He watches him fold his hand tight around each other and slump, pulling his shoulders to his chest. His breath squeezes in his chest as Jimmy deflates tiredly.
"I just don't want you to think—"
"I'm not gonna think this is your fault, alright?" Tango says, frowning at him. "Why would I?"
Jimmy sighs. His jaw works.
"Cause it usually is," he grits. Tango scrunches his nose on instinct, recoiling out of habit before he manages:
"That's not fair, man."
"This whole game isn't far!" Jimmy huffs, waving a hand about.
"Sure but—"
"But nothing, Tango. I just—I can't lose and drag you with me. That's more than not fair."
"I don't care."
"I care."
Before Tango can argue, though, he tastes the faintest hints of anger and frustration at the back of his mouth fade. He watches Jimmy's face contort as he tries to come up with a better sentence, something he probably thinks Tango deserves. Maybe an apology. 
Tango just looks at him. He kind of feels bad, that little bit of gut wrenching cold that trickles in, but mostly he's just confused. Jimmy's words bat around in his brain like dust particles. Dust bunnies. He definitely assumed they were done with this. That maybe Jimmy made peace like he did—though really he hadn't had that much time to make peace, if he's being honest. He's still bitter. He's sure a lot of people are still bitter. But in terms of Jimmy's whole situation? It's not like it could be helped. They just had to be careful. So Tango was being careful, and Jimmy was taking what Tango thought was a calculated risk, so he was mad, sure, but he couldn't really stay mad for a long time. So he takes a long breath and sighs it out his nose. It still tastes surprisingly reminiscent of smoke.
"So what are we going to do?" he asks softly. Jimmy inhales.
"I don't know," he says. "Go to bed? Wake up and start planning?"
Tango hums plainly. He likes that idea. The small spool of feeling in his chest that must belong to Jimmy gives a little tug, like it wanted to take him down with it. 
"Yeah," Tango says, voice coming hoarse. "Yeah, I think so."
For a moment, Tango runs his tongue over his teeth, runs his thumbs over the seams of his knees. He sighs, and then he leans into Jimmy's shoulder with a definitive huff. He's tired. From the ache in his bones, to the breathlessness of dying, to just taking in Jimmy's stress. Man. He's exhausted. Jimmy snorts quietly. He feels him press his cheek against Tango's head. The hand Jimmy had been fiddling with in his lap ends up at the base of his spine, splayed over the fabric. Tango squeezes his eyes shut.
"Thanks Tango," Jimmy says shakily. He sounds like he's on the knife's edge of crying, so Tango fumbles out a hand and lands it solidly on his knee. It's not a terribly comfortable thing to stretch one of his achy shoulders or biceps that far but he does anyway, and Jimmy huffs out a damp laugh. "Guess I'm just... pissed off."
Tango snorts.
"If you think you're pissed, just wait until they rile me up," he says into the fabric of Jimmy's shirt. Jimmy laughs. Tango tries to hold in a grin that he also smothers into his shoulder, but fails. Jimmy's hand skips over his knuckles and squeezes the hand on his knee.
"Sure thing, Rancher," he teases. Tango makes a half-suppressed noise of indignation, squeaking as he bolts upright. He nearly knocks into Jimmy's jaw as he untangles himself with all the grace of a cat trying to weasel out of someone's arms. 
"I'm just sayin'," he grumbles, crinkling his nose. "You seem like you're in a better mood though."
Jimmy sighs, rounding out his shoulders. 
"Think so," he says, working his cheek between his teeth. Tango feels the sensation of prodding in his mouth. Bleh. "Think so."
"Probably a good idea to make good on that sleeping... thing,” he says, reaching up to scrub at his eyes. He barely stifles a yawn as Jimmy stretches, twisting his tall body around in a way that feels surprisingly pleasant to Tango’s stiff muscles. He can’t imagine, especially with the way Jimmy holds all his emotions in his shoulders, that his upper back is doing him any favors. Jimmy makes a little noise in confirmation as Tango turns, attempting to make ample space for him in the small bed. He knows they’ll end up back to back at some point, but as he lies down, shoulder to shoulder, an easy comfort rolls over him. Sure there’s all the red blood rushing around in his ears, and sure he feels it right up on his skin like a bad rash, but for now, next to Jimmy, he shuts his eyes.
They’ll make this time count for something, at least.
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boeing-787 · 1 year ago
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Have you seen the nordstar 2019 winter universiade livery?
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I HAD NOT? HELLO? OUPPY PLANE
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obsessed look at the little tongue :p this livery appeals to me in particular. hwah.
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basketobread · 5 months ago
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HEY lunara is so cute !!! have you got screenshots of what she looks like in game, i would love to draw a pic of her (if thats okay w you !!)
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OF COURSE!! PLEASE!! I LOOOVE LOVE LOVE RECIEVING ART OF ANY OF MY OC'S. THANKS SO MUCH!! This is the outfit I have on her currently ^_^ <3333 (normally she'd have shoes on but i CANNOT find a good enough pair for reference purposes right now 😭)
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bread-is-my-life · 2 months ago
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I'm an advocate for Stainmight. I love them so much and have been trying to convince others just how much sense they make as a ship. Stain would absolutely do anything for Toshi. He'd reform himself and become the best version of himself if Toshi asked it of him.
They deserve the world 🥹😭
HI HI NICE TO MEET YA!!! :3 You are so real for that... Also HE ABSOLUTELY WOULD!!!
Also let me give you those weird school doodles of em :3 ignore how their height makes no sense in every pic and other mistakes lol I did those instead of studying ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ I PROMISE THAT I WILL COOK SMTH SOON!!!
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(btw on the second pic Toshi forgot his scarf and Stain forced him to wear his but then they just decided to share it :D I might redraw it later and fix all the mistakes like Toshi's height LMAO)
ANYWAYS I LOVE ALL STAINMIGHT SHIPPERS GUYS PLEASE I WANT TO HUG YOU ALL AND SHAKE YOUR HANDS AND AND *explodes*
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carefulfears · 1 year ago
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top ten mulder moments <3
DREAM ASSIGNMENT, UNHINGING MY JAW, ETC. buckle up babes!
1/ oubliette
all of oubliette really but there’s this one moment where he’s in the police station and he’s watching the video of lucy when she was 13 after escaping her kidnapper and she’s writhing around on the floor screaming and she can barely speak full sentences and she’s afraid of the light. and in the present day, she’s an addict living in a halfway house with convictions for drug possession and prostitution.
and he’s watching this tape and scully comes in and he says “it’s amazing she’s gotten anywhere in life” and scully says “by most yardsticks, she hasn’t.”
she has, though. she’s alive and she’s trying and she’s clean and passing her drug tests and she has a job. and that’s how he sees her, and that’s how he treats her throughout the episode. he tells her that she’s “the strong one” and he asks for her help and her opinion, he tells her that he just wants to know what she’s going through. he defends her to law enforcement and believes her when everyone else thinks she’s an accomplice. he weeps over her body when she dies, grieves the loss of her life.
it would be easy for him, as someone whose sister was kidnapped at the same age lucy was, to see her as a nightmare. she’s struggling and she’s traumatized and she’s an addict and a felon. but he doesn’t, he views her as hopeful, and you can tell that he respects her. he views her as having gotten somewhere in life, just because she’s still alive. and that more than anything really means a lot to me.
2/ paper hearts
in paper hearts when they find the 15th victim’s body and they think it’s samantha. and he’s standing there over it, shaking, looking down at what might be his baby sister’s corpse. what might be the end of the road.
and it might all be over, in this moment. he might not be able to search anymore, to hope anymore, to do the only thing he’s ever done every day for 24 years anymore.
and you just feel the crushing weight of it all, and then scully comes in with the lab results and says that it isn’t her. and he just buckles for a moment and takes a breath.
before standing up and saying, “it’s somebody though.”
it’s such a testament to his character to me, that he can’t sit in that relief for even a minute. it might not be his baby sister, but it’s somebody, and he grieves for them.
(not “somebody’s sister/daughter,” but somebody)
3/ one breath
the shot of him crying on the floor of his ransacked apartment.
he was offered a choice between staying there, waiting to see the bad guys, finding the only thing he’s ever wanted, the answers…and going to sit by scully’s hospital bed, when it might be the end.
and he left that apartment and held her hand.
as moving as that scene is, it’s the aftermath that always gets me. it’s the consequences. it’s the price that you pay for choosing to stay soft, the way that mr. x looks at him in this same episode and tells him that he’ll never win, he doesn’t have the heart.
so he walks away from the battle and comes back to the wreckage, and all he can do is sit down on the floor and weep.
(also if i think even a little about him giving scully the superstars of the super bowl tape, i’ll literally make myself ill crying)
4/ sein und zeit
when, after spending the entire episode obsessively insisting to everyone who will listen that the missing little girl is “not dead,” he says that they should just go home.
that they are not going to find those people’s daughter alive, that he is too close to this case to make a sound judgement, and that he wants to take some time away from work.
seven years after scully chased him into the street and yelled for him to “stop running after” samantha, and a day after she followed him into a hallway to tell him to not go looking for something he doesn’t want to find, the person whose “relentlessness” has kept him searching for nearly 30 years, just wants to go home.
he’s depended for so many years on the delusion, on the hope, on the belief that every child to go missing from their home is “not dead.” and now he stares at the ground in front of two people who love him, and admits to being wrong. to needing a break.
it’s one of the saddest moments of the series to me, but there is such an acceptance in admitting defeat, and it’s a subtle precursor to his decision in the following episode that he’s ready to know the truth about what happened to samantha. the delusion isn’t helping anyone. not him, not samantha, not this missing little girl. and it’s devastating and freeing at the same time.
5/ je souhaite
his genie wish. i have the softest spot in my heart for je souhaite mulder okay!! this is the mulder that called the jersey devil “beautiful” and ran through the woods to try to save it. the mulder that couldn’t bear to add to the soul eater monster’s suffering, even when it would’ve saved his own life.
i love that the first thing he does is ask the genie what she would wish for, just because he wants to know. and you can see how much 500 years of being a slave to people’s selfish desires has weighed on her, in the way she tells him that she would just want her days to be her own. to sit and have a cup of coffee.
i love that he tries to win at the genie wish, to save the world. tries to construct the perfect wording and all-encompassing fool-proof plan. throws around words like ending “tyranny.” and in the end, just deletes it all, and wishes for the genie to be free. that ending shot of her, finally her own person for the first time in 500 years, sitting having a cup of coffee, is one of my favorite moments of the series.
i love the lesson in this episode too, for someone who spends his whole life trying to make up for the fact that he lived when his sister didn’t, that he doesn’t have to figure out how to save the entire world. he can call his best friend and sit on his couch and watch caddyshack. but he asks the genie what she would wish for, because he genuinely cares, and he chooses to use his wish to give it to her, because he can do that.
6/ pilot
these tags: “this man is overflowing with reverent tenderness.”
the Moment™️ in his motel room…this is when you can see it. this is when both scully and the audience understand something. this is when it’s all over.
they’ve both been kind of concealing so much, behind sarcasm or professionalism. they really like each other. they want to trust each other. but she was sent to spy on him, to debunk him, and neither of them have any reason to believe it’ll be more than that.
when the power goes out and scully feels the marks on her back, she is just so scared. she is so young, and this is her first job, and she’s becoming exposed to things that she had never considered. when she walks into mulder’s motel room in only her robe, and then drops it, she’s afraid, and also acutely aware of her own vulnerability.
the way the camera hangs on his face (he’s the focus, not her exposure, what is he seeing?), in the candlelight, as she exposes her body to him and he just checks to make sure she’s okay.
what he’s seeing is her vulnerability, and he responds by both sheltering and matching it; he wraps her up and gives her the bed, sits below her on the floor. he tells her about sam. he tells her about what “matters” to him. and it isn’t something that he tells people, but anxiously walking mostly-naked into the room of your new assignment isn’t something that she does either, and he understands that.
it’s 2 episodes later in squeeze when scully makes her decision, she’s “on the side of the victim,” on the side of the vulnerable. but it’s a motel room in bellefleur where she learns what that side is, where that work is being done.
(related, conduit: the way that he shuts scully's concerns about him down, then validates them quietly, when they're alone. tells her what his life actually is. that it's "walking into that room," every day, feeling like maybe one day he'll open his eyes and his sister would be there. you really get the sense that he's never told anyone that before, but that it's something he turns over in his mind, something he's always aware of. he's saying: you're right, this is what i do, but i don't know how to do anything different. how am i meant to do anything different? it has always been this way. and it's the only thing that you need to hear him say to really get it. it's the only thing that scully needed to hear him say. this is the most vulnerable revelation that he ever makes, a month into their partnership. she never forgets it.)
7/ anasazi
just a little moment that i think about a lot is the way that after mulder sees his dad in colony and tries to hug him, and gets cut off with a handshake, the next time that he sees bill, in anasazi, he reaches out to shake his hand.
he notices everything, he internalizes everything, he only wants to give what he understands as wanted from him.
he knows that his dad does not want to hug him, and he still reaches to him first, offers that connection that bill is comfortable with.
(it always makes me think of the first time he met jackson. the way that the first thing he did after “my name is mulder, i’m your father. i know it must seem strange to you.” was hug him… “became a father while i was still a son,” or whatever the national said.)
8/ emily
you guys. you guys 🥺. this whole episode just really gets me so bad. the way emily is “shy” and doesn’t speak or really look at anyone, and the only time we see her smile is when mulder makes her laugh, as soon as she met him. him yelling at the doctor (i love that the show, through mulder, actually says the term “medical rapists.” like yes let’s call it what it fucking is!) and saying he wants everything that could help her. when emily's sick, and mulder instantly picks her up to hold her.
but the moment to me, the one that stays with me, is the very end. it's the funeral. it's when all is said and done. and scully asks...who could do this? who could bring a life into this world whose only purpose is to die? and mulder answers, "i don't know. but that you found her, and had a chance to love her...maybe she was meant for that too."
he looks at a person who was created to be used for other's gain, literally manufactured intentionally to suffer and then die, and he believes...maybe that's not all that she was meant for. maybe she was still meant to be known, to be found, to be loved. and they did love her.
(the way he shows up late to the funeral, but scully knows he's coming to get her, tells her mom she's going to ride back with him. the way he turns away from the casket, never able to look loss in the eye, but turns back so scully isn't in it alone. the way he brings flowers, like he brought flowers to the hospital when scully was diagnosed, like he stopped to bring flowers to missy's grave.)
9/ beyond the sea + lazarus
my father is dead (long live my father!)
y’all ever think about how sparingly and intentionally mulder says “dana”? y’all ever think about how she’d only ever been “scully,” to him, until “how are you, dana?” the day of her father’s funeral? the way she looked up at him, as he gently touched her cheek.
the first thing that scully does after her father dies, is tell mulder that she believes in a psychic. (“i thought that you would be pleased that i opened myself to extreme possibilities”).
the first thing that mulder does is sit down, lower himself beneath her, (he has done this since the motel room in bellefleur, the day they met), and look up to her to ask: “does this have to do with your father? you said that he didn't approve of you becoming an FBI agent. now, if being on the job now makes you feel guilty or uncomfortable or uneasy, i think you should back away. because if it’s clouding your judgment, you’re putting yourself in danger.”
(he is always listening, he is always more aware than people think. he perceives her attempts to “please” him as dangerous, or uncomfortable for her. encourages her to step back.)
when she starts to cry and walks across the room, she’s dana again. she’s not her father’s “starbuck,” she’s not mulder’s “scully.”
“dana…open yourself up to extreme possibilities, only when they’re the truth.”
in lazarus, it’s only 2 episodes later (2 episodes after “i’m afraid to believe”) when jack willis dies. (“along the way, there are other fathers.”)
mulder spent that whole fucking episode doing his lil tricks and tips and pulling out his lil experts trying to convince her that jack had been body-swapped, including the story about watches stopping at time of death. when jack dies, and all that’s left is the watch she had given him, stopped at the same time as his heart, she looks up to mulder for answers so softly.
and his response: “it means…it means whatever you want it to mean. goodnight.”
he spends his life begging for belief, but never at the cost of her integrity, her peace. he cannot be “pleased” by a forgoing of self, a forgoing of what she’s ready for.
(looking at this now, it also reminds me of irresistible, and the way that he told her that it’s understandable to be upset, to be affected. “i’ve seen agents with 20 years fall apart on cases like this.” it’s not because she’s young, it’s not because she’s inexperienced, it’s not because she’s traumatized. it’s because she’s human. and it’s good, it’s right.)
10/ redux ii
my favorite moment of this episode is when scully sees mulder through the window of her hospital room for the first time, and he plasters that smile on his face, comes in to sit on the bed and hold her hand and kiss her cheek. and she keeps trying to ask him about the conspiracy, about what happened at the pentagon, about who the inside man at the FBI is, and he just keeps quietly telling her that he's not there to talk about that. and she keeps pushing questions until he leans in to her and smiles and says... "hey, scully, how 'bout those yankees?"
hey, scully, it's not about that. for as many years as he's gone doing nothing but obsessing over conspiracies to anyone who will listen, he isn't there to talk about conspiracies. he's there to hold her hand, to keep that smile on his face so maybe she won't worry, to break down by her bedside as soon as she's asleep. he just wants to spend time with her. in reduxes, they aren't ahab and starbuck. they aren't charging forward or dutifully shepherding on. they're buckling in hallways. they're clinging to a hand through tears.
there is just no room: for their roles, for their pretenses, in the end. in this moment, he isn't the "mad captain" who cares about nothing more than the quest. he's the man who walked away from the fight so that he could sit next to her, who gave up all of his answers so that she could see her sister one last time. he's the man who "refused to believe" that she was dying, but still celebrated her birthday that year for the first time ever, just so that she would have it. and in that hospital room, at the end, through teary eyes and shaky smiles, it just isn't about anything bigger. she doesn't have to die as dutiful to the cause, for him to be there with her.
(the final shot of this episode is one of my favorites too. when scully is cured, she is going to live, her family is in her room celebrating with her, and mulder is crying alone in the hall.
these tags: "all his open love and loneliness and numbness and fear of loss. he's such a gentle man. he kills but he is gentle in his heart. he takes so many beatings and he listens quietly and has no shame. it's hard for him to play the games men play. this ending. he just found out scully is going to live. and everyone else is in there with her. and he has to sit outside. and it all hits him in one go. his sister. his parents. scully. his wasted years. his stupidity and arrogance. how many times has this happened to one of us. you grit your teeth and get through unimaginable difficulty. and then when it's all over you can't celebrate. it hits you on your own in a terrible way."
i always think of that. i always think of superstars of the superbowl. i always think of how ill-equipped and in-adequate we are, when it comes down to it, to deal with grief and trauma and loss. how "we bury our dead alive." and in the end it's "the best news" he ever could've heard, and that steady smile is reduced to sobs.)
honorable mention from paper hearts: i fear that i simply have to talk about him shooting roche in the head...did everybody see him shoot roche in the head? i thought him shooting roche in the head was lovely. you can watch it tear him apart, leading up to the moment. roche sitting in front of him, taunting him. how sure are you? you'll never know without me. but ultimately, he looks over at caitlyn, and he can't risk it. he had told caitlyn, "my name is fox, i'm gonna take you home." and then he did, even when ensuring she was found safe and well, meant sacrificing everything he'd been looking for.
the transition from that moment on the bus (roche's blood on the windows, caitlyn's screams, mulder's gun) to the walls of the basement office...the way the camera slowly pans over the UFO articles. the "i want to believe." the mysteries. all of that wishful thinking (as roche had said earlier: "it's like you think your world will be okay as long as you can believe in like...flying saucers") contrasted to the flesh and blood of the evil he's trying to escape. and, in the end, all there is left is one heart in front of him. one last victim that he'll never know the truth about, because he wasn't willing to risk the price paid for answers.
(and then scully says...but we will find her. how? "i don't know. but i do know you.")
honorable mention from oubliette: my top 2 episodes do be my top 2 episodes but there are few moments in this series that just make my heart sink to my stomach more than the image of mulder crying over lucy's body...that triptych line: "mulder who still grimaced at cadavers and cried over the bodies of dead women where most men she knew couldn't muster the wherewithal to appear disturbed."
lightning round appreciation for my favorite little tiny moments we don't talk about enough: casually giving his hotel key to the unhoused man in the jersey devil; holding kevin and telling him he knows he just wants his sister back in conduit; helping roland pick out a shirt to wear ("i think this one would look stylin' today, what do you think?") in roland; going back in for the kids even though he's afraid/had failed before, in fire; marty saying she "just knew" he would be at her sentencing, even though she couldn't see him, in mind's eye; taking scully to the liberty bell, after she complained about wanting a life outside of work, in shadows; when cassandra told him that reading news stories about him saved her life, because no one would ever believe her, until she found out about him, in patient x; telling skinner to get marita off the stand, "no. let her go," even though her testimony was the only thing that could save him, in the truth; telling off the sheriff in conduit who said it was "only a matter of time" before "something bad" happened to ruby because she "was no prom queen"; telling scully that he doesn't care if she comes with him or not, but he's not giving up on ruby "until they find a body."
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boiling-potato · 4 months ago
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[HERE, YOUR GIFT]:
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[LOVE YOU AND BE PROUD OF YOURSELF SWEETY (Happy birthday late again lmao)-]
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OH IT'S LOVELYYYY!!!! I look absolutely lovely on your art style~!!!! And it's honestly making me tear up to see myself in such an amazing artist's style!!! Oh I've been seeing your arts all this time that I didn't even expect to myself in it and it's honestly making me jump up in excitement!!!! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH MY FRIEND~!!!! ALL OF THESE HONESTLY MADE MY BIRTHDAY 100× MORE EXCITING!!!!! ಥ⁠╭⁠╮⁠ಥ🙏❤️💕💕💖💖‼️‼️✨✨
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homelander-rp-blog · 5 months ago
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❛ why don’t you just kill me? ❜ @awkwardcourage .
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He places a hand above his heart with a gasp, playing like Hughie's words hurt him. "Don't. Tempt me, Hughie. You know well there's no fun in that, I mean, are you really tired of being with me?" He has to leans up on the tip of his boots to press a kiss to the younger man's jaw "am I not good enough? Not treating you well enough? What, you want more? Or maybe.." it's empty threat and he knows that Hughie knows but he hates it. Hates it how sometimes younger man straight-forward just pushes him away.. there's this familiar tingling behind his eyes and he's aware that his laser is activating, can see the red reflection in young man's eyes "..you missed your girlfriend, hm?"
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zu-is-here · 11 months ago
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I miss soft and cute post!dc family
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his little big family ♡
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smimon · 1 year ago
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Omg omg 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 pink dancers?!?!?!? Omg mattiiiiiiiiiiiiii. And a giant k but also mattiiiiiiiiiii and etel and kathri awwwwwwwwwwww. 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀Omg how would the cha cha cha performance work? Like piggy Train sure will not work, or poor matti is gonna be a matti pancake, the dance part on the leashes would remind me of elderly people with their teeny tiny dogs👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀. And the interactions with Tommy and giant k were nothing but cute adorable sweet and lovely 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛.
Thank you for this message, it helped me stay motivated the whole day 😁😁😁😁 happy to know we share the same braincell hahha and thank you for all the kind words!!!! You're so sweet auuughgghghgd 🙈🙈🙈🙈
Anyway I could not ignore the vision of Matti pancake so now please have this bonus
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You can have your braincell back now 😌
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emoreooo · 11 months ago
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hey, I've been seeing your yuri au around recently, and I just want to say that in addition to your really nice art style, you're the only person I've seen draw fem!Kel and not:
-anime-girl-fiy Kel
-remove Kel's body hair
and I thank you for it. I have seen too many fem!Kels that are just the default anime girl body type with Kel's hair, clothes and skin tone, so seeing your take on fem!Kel is a nice breath of fresh air
THATT IS SO SWEET thankyou so much for your kind words !! 🥺 have aged up kel <3
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tazmiilly · 3 months ago
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Your art is my favorite thing ever oml thank you 🙏
aww thats so nice!!! :'D thank you for saying that!
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